I went to a seminar for my work once where we were required to take a test to discover what kind of work personality we had. I was certain that I would be a "Get Along" type. After all, I seem to be the ultimate "people pleaser." I was wrong. Instead I tested out to be a "Get It Right" personality. In hindsight I think that nailed me to a tee.
I always seem to think if I can just "get it right" then everything will fall into place. Those that I love, the society I live in, the world as a whole, will be as I want because I've worked so hard to make it so. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. It didn't work when my kids were teenagers. I worked hard as a parent to get it right. Trouble is, I never had any definite convictions because my getting it right always depended on someone else's opinion, whether it was my parents, my spouse, my church, my friends, books I read, counselors I saw. Most contradicted each other. No wonder my children were confused and rebelled. I was confused!
I always thought if I could just get my marriage right, then I'd live happily ever after. Again I was wrong. Deep seated fears on my behalf were largely at fault in the demise of my marriage. Disappointment, resentment, guilt were at the core and I had a hard time accepting that I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted. I had a hard time accepting that my partner wasn't right (perfect). Who can live up to that, I ask.
Recently, I've come to realize that financially I thought I could get it right by living within my means, buying a house I could afford, living without debt (yes, without), contributing the maximum to my IRA every year and then retiring by the time I was 55. That all went by the wayside in 2008 when I saw my retirement savings fall by almost half of what it used to be. Now....I'm over 50, so in reality, if I worked another 10 years until retirement age, I doubt I will have recouped the savings I once had. And that is so depressing and discouraging to me. And I'm angry and disheartened about it all because it's not right - not at all. Don't even get me started!
And then my epiphany:
I can never predict the future!!
I can never "get it right" because I don't have the power to control the universe! Wow!! So why keep trying to get it right? It never works out the way I think it will anyway. Therefore, I'm going to quit trying.
From now on I refuse to work at any job that I hate just because it affords me an income. From now on, I refuse to live apart from those that I love just because others may think they know better. From now on, I refuse to put off my dreams just because it's written somewhere that I should wait until the right retirement age of 65 or 70. I'm not going to depend on doing everything right according to others. I'm going to live for today - not put it off until tomorrow out of fear that it's not the right time, or the right place, or the right person, or whatever.......I'm going to do what I think is right, not what others think is right for me.
Maybe I'll finally "get it right" after all!